DR. HORVÁTH-TANKA ENIKŐ
Dear (future) Autoimmune Yogi!
Welcome to the Autoimmune Yoga website!
Thank you for your trust! Believe me. I know exactly what you’re going through. I know you are going through the most difficult time of your life and you are looking for a solution. You have already made the first step and you are in a very good place.
As an inspiration, let me tell you my own story!
I was 29 when I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. I was studying for my final law exam. At this time, I was getting my son into nursery. I was stressed, sleepless and had every minute booked. I didn’t take care of myself, I smoked, and I tried to compensate for the lack of exercise by starving myself.
One morning I woke up with numbness in my right leg. I felt it day and night, it never went away. I have been struggling with a lack of back muscles and back pain for some time. I thought it was caused by a lot of studying and incorrect posture. I waited a week, but instead of improving, the feeling of numbness spread to my right hand. I first started in orthopaedics at the o medical examination, where everything was found to be fine. They gave me vitamins and then the next week was spent waiting. The vitamins were not enough. By the end of the week, my left leg had gone numb and the fingers on the back of my right hand started to act quite scary. It’s like I wasn’t in control of them.
My family doctor referred me to the local neurologist. The doctor used an interesting “visual inspection” method. He did not seem to want to carry out any further tests. Without an MRI, blood test or any other tests, he recommended taking regular sedatives.
I collapsed.
The fact is that our family has a lot of emotional baggage on both our mother’s and father’s side. I have never felt even mentally upset. Of course, it was a stressful time, but I loved (and still do 🙂 ) my husband, my little boy, we didn’t fight, we didn’t have daily financial problems. We had a good life.
I felt that there were not enough tests. I did not feel justified to take regular sedatives. I had no choice but to keep looking. The numbness was already affecting my entire body from the chest down and my entire right arm. My search led me to another neurologist. He immediately performed the usual tests (EEG and movement tests). After these, he was almost immediately certain of the diagnosis. Of course, he hasn’t said anything yet, just that I should forget about the specialist exam for the time being, because it could be a more serious autoimmune problem.
I was almost waiting for something meaningful to go wrong. I was glad when he said so, because I was able to postpone my exam. This was the first – and perhaps most important – realisation about the psychological causes of my illness. Immediately the questions came out of me: is this normal? Who am I doing this for? Whose life am I living?
Do I want to please myself? Or for others? And do others really need this, or are the expectations only in my head?
Of course, all I knew at the time was that I didn’t need to continue my studies and that something autoimmune might be behind my symptoms.
Events then accelerated. I went to the hospital, where I still didn’t know what I was being tested for. Until the nurse on duty came in and asked me the question:
"Are you the new multiple sclerosis patient?"
I thought I was going to roll off the bed. I was in shock. As if it hadn’t happened to me. It was as if I suddenly saw my own life from the outside. The box sounds were coming from outside, but I didn’t want to let them in. Days, weeks passed before I woke up and thought, “Oh, good! I was dreaming the whole thing!” And then every morning I had to face the fact that it wasn’t. I spent 3 days in hospital. We quickly completed the mandatory rounds. After lumbar puncture and MRI scans, it turned out that I was indeed the new MS patient.
They let me go home. I couldn’t sit up for a week, only lie down because of a headache after a lumbar puncture. I was so sick that I almost didn’t notice that my numbness was slowly starting to subside. As is the custom in Hungary, I got my three doses of steroid boost. After the steroid infusions, all that was left was a strange, uncontrollable movement in the back of my right hand and fingers. And all the questions running around in my head: What will happen to me? What will happen? Will it only get worse after this? Will everything ever be the same again? While still in hospital, I decided to try yoga as soon as I could. I read a lot of good things about it.
I don’t know where the idea came from. I’ve played team sports all my life, and the tougher ones. I played hockey and Bandy for ages. I was not the least bit concerned about yoga or similar forms of movement. As soon as my headache went away, I started. My best friend took me to a beginner’s spinal yoga class at the studio she likes. The first time was already special. I was captivated by its simplicity and sincerity. I felt that it was something much more, much deeper than just exercise. Already after the first practice I felt energized.
In fact, yoga has its place as a movement system in its own right, but it is much more than that. Yoga is a way of life. It is a complex system that can change your life.
Of course, I didn’t make it all the way through the first lesson. I had no muscles. I had to realise that I was completely neglecting myself, and there were consequences. That was the beginning. The starting point. From there I gradually started to rebuild myself. I loved going to classes. It turned me off, charged me up and I saw progress day by day. I felt that yoga was not only good for my muscles, but also for my nervous system and my mind. Days and weeks have passed. The first scare began to fade. I stopped waking up every night wondering if my legs were going numb again. And in the morning, sickness was not the first thing on my mind. I was well again.
Two months had passed when I had my first check-up and consultation with my doctor. He presented the medicines commonly used at the time, with their advantages and disadvantages. He did not sugarcoat the situation. He talked about many, varied and very common side effects. Hair loss, liver damage, stomach problems, sweating, reddening of the skin and so on. I’ve never been a big medicine drinker. That’s one of the reasons I refused tranquilizers. Plus, I felt like I was on a path, reassessing my life, doing well. Compared to my condition at the time, these side effects would have been a step backwards.
I dared not say no to taking the medicine. Instead of a total refusal, we made a deal with my doctor. I got a reprieve until the second shub (seizure) and the chance to go my own way. I decided that whatever happens, I want to do something and I will do something for myself. My goal is that when the next shub comes, I can say: it’s not up to me. I have tried everything. The changes happened on both the physical and spiritual fronts. I’ve reassessed my life. I never finished the lawyer’s exam and I never went back to the legal profession.
I reformed my diet and my family gave me the opportunity to take care of myself for six months. This means that I was put on sick leave and had no one to look after but myself and my little boy. I did yoga every day and relaxed even more. I slowly got into a physical state that I had never been in before. (And I used to be a national athlete.) I felt in every cell of my being that yoga is good and without any other explanation or belief, it just works.
After becoming completely symptom-free and re-energised, I wanted to continue on this path and help others. To show other people with autoimmune disease the way of yoga. Since then I have completed four internationally recognised, accredited yoga teacher training courses. Yoga has become part of my everyday life. In addition to my own regular practice, I have started teaching yoga. I believe that everything happens for a reason. If it hadn’t been for the diagnosis, I’d be sitting in a lawyer’s office right now, unhappy. I’d be pushing files around, unmotivated and not looking forward to tomorrow. Simply because I was under the mistaken impression that I was making others happy. Instead, I feel great physically and mentally, I love my life, I’m liberated and I look forward to tomorrow every day. Every day I am learning something new about myself, having new experiences from my own practice and from my practitioners.
